She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
