I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
