I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
