He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
