chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
