I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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