apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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