LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize