oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
