I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
two words...techno handjob
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
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So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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