why didn't you poke me back
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize