I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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