I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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