wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
this will be a night to untag.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I am mentally ready for anal.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
