DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
