I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
A+ Viking dick
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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