So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
it was like his penis was on wheels.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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