Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
