He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
