I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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