someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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