I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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