I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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