you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
