Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
