I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
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you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
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nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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