My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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