i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm like, not good at living.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
