I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
