i need an iv and a liver transplant
I got her a Nickelback box set.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
