Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
