I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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