Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
