I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
