I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
