Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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