I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she smelled like a LAN party
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
