i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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