I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
