Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
