some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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