ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just invented taco cereal.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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