um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize