How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
