they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
