I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
