Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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