I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
