Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
