Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
