yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
