Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
