Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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