I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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