My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
