a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
