So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
