Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
