mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
