i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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