I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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